


Like Home

by Pi (Rhea)



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-23
Updated: 2011-11-23
Packaged: 2017-10-26 11:15:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/282401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhea/pseuds/Pi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Initial counseling session after leaving a domestic violence living situation. (fem!Finland) written for h/c bingo prompt "therapy/counseling"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like Home

It was Sweden's idea. Which was very sweet, though Finland would have really appreciated the heads up. They've been living together for a while. Finland is immensely relieved to be no longer living under Denmark but, maybe Sweden has a point. It can't be good for Finland's health to be this nervous. But it's hard not to be anxious. Sweden is scary, well meaning, but utterly terrifying. Finland knows, intellectually that Sweden doesn't want to hurt her. Sweden is making a home, a safe place for both of them. Sweden is making a home out of both of their lands. And Finland's sort of okay with that. Sweden doesn't yell, or throw things, and Finland doesn't have run to ducking under cover when Sweden gets angry. Still, it's a hard habit to break. Denmark never really meant to do the things he did. He had a temper, and Sweden was usually the cause. Finland was just an easy target, stuck in the middle of a thundering household.

Sweden's house is quiet. It's almost too quiet. Finland finds herself tiptoeing around, peering at corners and berating herself for worrying what might jump out of shadows. It isn't necessary. It makes Sweden worry. Finland doesn't want to make Sweden worry. Sweden is so kind to her. What if Sweden were to decide keeping her wasn't worth it? Finland isn't very powerful. If she were alone it wouldn't be long before Russia, or some other powerful nation tried to take over. Finland likes it here. She feels stupid when Sweden's face makes her start shaking, or when she has to stifle panic when Sweden drops a board on his thumb and swears. Finland isn't in a war zone. Not right now. Just, it's sometimes hard to remember when you've lived like that for so long. So when Finland rounds the corner balancing clean linens, she knows Sweden's just being helpful bringing this woman to see her, but the sight of the short woman with light brown hair and glasses makes her jump and loose her pile.

She really wishes Sweden would tell her these things. She doesn't mind that Sweden doesn't talk much. He's less scary when he just half smiles, no deep, thick voice to make her frantically search for acceptable answers.

"Um. Hello. I'm sorry. Would you like something to drink? I didn't know we had guests. Master Sweden is out right now, but I'm sure he'd be happy to speak with you. Ah-" she stutters, quickly gathering her pile of clothes. The woman smiles.

"You must be Finland". Finland blinks.

"Y-yes." She brushes a strand of hair out of her eyes and looks for a place to put down the pile.

"Sweden didn't tell you I was coming today?" The woman asks. Her voice is gentle, soothing and Finland finds herself taking a deep breath.

"No." She admits, but the woman doesn't look angry.

"Ah. Well. I'm Anna. I'm here to talk with you. If you want to talk. Tell me, what's bringing you to counseling?" Finland thinks about it. Sweden had suggested it one evening over dinner, but they hadn't discussed it deeply. Finland had said it would be a good idea, and that seemed to be the end of the conversation. She doesn't want Sweden to worry about her.

"Sweden suggested I start counseling because he thinks I'm having a hard time adjusting to his household. But, I'm fine, really. I do love it here. It's so peaceful. Sweden's sweet once you get to know him, even if he seems quiet. I'm happy to work here. Really!" Finland hopes she doesn't sound too worried. Sweden doesn't think she's adjusting. That doesn't mean he'll give her back to Denmark does it. Sweden's been fairly respectful of her people, and given her a little space. Finland hopes he wouldn't just trade her back like so much property. She tries not to wring her hands, and looks warily at the woman, who gestures for her to sit.

"So what is it that you'd like to work on in counseling?" the woman asks.

"Sweden's been so generous letting me live in his house. He gets concerned when I'm so anxious. I guess maybe if we could help me be less anxious? I just want everything to be nice for him. I've never been the best at house work. But I want to keep things nice for Sweden. He likes having a well kept house." Finland tries to work hard. There's been a lot of cleaning work to do. Sweden hasn't lived here in a while so a lot of it had fallen apart. Finland is actually pretty good with some of the harder tasks. Since she's been working with Sweden she has gotten stronger. Sweden can still lift twice as much wood, but Finland's getting better. She's getting to do work that means something. She does care about Sweden's house. But even with all that, how nice Sweden has been to her, how his house is becoming warm and bright around her through their work, she still can't stop worrying.

"Tell me about the anxiousness. How does that look for you? What do you notice?"

"Well, I don't know. It's pretty calm here. Sometimes it's a little too quiet. It's just hard not to worry that that means it's going to ....to get very noisy soon." Finland's smile wavers a little. She picks at the hem of her shirt with her fingers as she talks. "I mean when we were at Denmark's house."

"Yes?"

"I don't want to say bad things about Denmark. -He was just. Very. Well, if it got this quiet it meant that when things got bad they'd be worse. So it's hard not to be waiting for it." Finland balls up the string she's pulled off her shirt, then realizes she's wrecking them hem. "Ah, anyway. I like it here." She smiles brightly and the woman nods at her sympathetically.

"What was it that would happen when things got 'worse'?" It's hard not to think about that sometimes. One little misstep and the resulting flare of Denmark's temper. She supposes it was hard for him to be so powerful, to run such a big house. But Sweden wasn't really rebellious. But even living under Denmark, Sweden was powerful. Finland would try to hide away from the fury that shook the house. And then Sweden would come back bruised or bleeding and Finland, white-lipped would quietly help him with the medicine chest.

"The fighting would be terrible"

"Say more about that. Who was fighting? Was it yelling, or was it physical violence?"

"Denmark would yell a lot, and he would throw things. Sometimes Sweden got hit." Finland murmured, looking at her hands.

"Were you hit too?"

"Not as much. Sweden tried to protect me."

"Ah, but you were afraid." Finland looks up into the woman's eyes, startled. Because it's true. It was hard to live with Denmark, unsure what would trigger his anger, unable to help Sweden. Powerless and helpless, always waiting for the worst to happen.

"Yes"

"Are you afraid of Denmark now?"

"Denmark is far away." Sweden still stands between them. He'd offered his hand 'Come with me.' and Finland had gone. Denmark is behind them now. They used to worry about him coming after them. It still niggles at Finland, but Sweden is more powerful now. His house is strong and beautiful. Denmark can't get to her here.

"So Denmark is not a threat to you now?"

"No, not really."

"That must be a relief. What about Sweden. How safe are you now?" Finland blinks. What about Sweden. He's so quiet, and hard to read. She never knows what he's thinking. His gruff demeanor and serious face make her nervous. It's hard to know what he wants. But he's always courteous to her, he's never loud or angry.

"Sweden wouldn't hurt me. But...I guess I'm still scared. Sweden's really big, it's hard not to feel intimidated." Finland tries to explain. "I mean, sometimes Sweden slams the door a little too hard, if his arms are full carrying firewood and it makes me jump. My heart races and I feel scared because it reminds me of the fighting. But it's little noises too. Then Sweden will look so concerned, and almost angry. I know he isn't angry at me, but he never says anything." Finland realizes she's babbling. She continues, her voice quieter, "Then he's extra quiet for a few days. And that's almost as bad. Because I'll round a corner and Sweden will just be there with no sound at all. And It startles me. And then he gets this really sad expression. I don't want to make Sweden sad."

"How's all this affecting your sleep?" The question makes her pause. It's not something she's thought about.

"Well, I guess, it's just hard to fall asleep in a strange house." Finland thinks about it, "I sometimes get up and check to make sure the doors are all locked so no one could get in." Sweden would protect her, he would protect his house. But it's good just to be sure, just to be safe. "It's just hard to fall asleep." Finland shrugs.

"It sounds like you've been through a lot and it's been hard. You were in a scary, dangerous situation that you got out of, but it's hard to remember sometimes that you're out of it now." The woman's voice makes her want to cry. It's so understanding and warm. Finland finds herself nodding,

"Yeah, you're right. I've, I never thought about it like that." She admits.

"One of the things we can do in counseling is talk about that experience and help you get a sense of your safety now. Something that can help when you're feeling anxious or having trouble falling asleep is called a calming breath. You breath in to a count of 4, hold for a count of 2 and exhale for a count of 6. Do that several times, as many as ten. It can help you to calm down and gives your body the message to relax." The woman's smile is kind as Finland tries it, breathing in then out slowly. It makes her feel more settled in her body. The consciousness of focusing on the breaths, and being still. It sends a feeling of peace into her bones and she feels calmer, even though she wasn't really worried.

"Yeah that's a good idea." Finland agrees. Maybe if she takes deep breaths, Sweden won't get that crestfallen look. "Thanks."

"Not at all." The woman answers. "Well, I have to go for today. But maybe we can talk more next week? You can tell me more about living here, or what it was like living at Denmark's house. It might be good to talk about just how different they are."

"Ah, right. I'll tell Sweden you'll be back. I...I guess it'd be nice to talk to you again." Finland smiles. She does feel better. She walks the woman to the door. The woman leaves with a cheerful wave and Finland closes the door quietly. The house is very still. Finland breathes in deep. One, two, three, four... Then she picks up the linens and goes back to work. The house around her feels a little warmer, a little more like home. The home she wants.

**Author's Note:**

> Therapists wouldn't allow a third party to initiate therapy for a client. The client has to make contact. There has to be informed consent for therapy to occur, involving a conversation between the client and therapist. Also, it is unusual for a therapist to go to a clients house. It occasionally happens in counseling with small children or the very elderly or moribund.
> 
> In this story I included information to make clear Finland had witnessed threat to physical integrity to another and had an experience of fear around that. Since leaving that domestic violence situation she has experienced psychological and physiological reactivity to triggers that remind her of the experience. As well as heightened arousal in the form of an exaggerated startle response, hypervigilance, and difficulty falling asleep. These are some of the symptoms of people suffering PTSD as listed in the DSM IV TR.
> 
> Thanks to my wonderful LMHC beta!


End file.
